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Non-Binary |OT| 01101110 01101111 01101110

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
I have a real hard time staying cool in those non-binary threads. It just feels like nobody actually cares, they just want to be content in their ignorance out of spite. Recent threads here have really gotten me down. At least the moderation is on our side.
Whenever I go in and instantly see “they” posts.

 

Dreams-Visions

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
16,838
Miami, FL
I have a real hard time staying cool in those non-binary threads. It just feels like nobody actually cares, they just want to be content in their ignorance out of spite. Recent threads here have really gotten me down. At least the moderation is on our side.
It is generally impossible to get most people to understand or empathize with realities and experiences which are and will likely remain distant and foreign to them. It's hard for people and frustrating for the minorities that have to swim upstream to try to communicate and find solutions to the unique set of challenges faced.

As a black man, I can assure you that I understand the kinds of challenges that come with come with being a small group that doesn't have direct control over its image or visibility. We get tired of explaining the same things over and over as there is always a fresh face that's going to ask a question you've been answering for decades. At some point, you will learn to say, "fuck it", accepting that not everyone is going to hear you the way you want to be heard and that it's their loss. In doing so you'll also save yourself some life force. lol. And the ones that do come in and learn (few as they may sometimes seem) will come away better and more valuable people.

Then again, I fell on the "Casually Feminine" side of the scale in that test a few pages back, so maybe I'm just inherently more empathetic and sensitive to the pain of others than most are. :P
 

Doop

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
164
It is generally impossible to get most people to understand or empathize with realities and experiences which are and will likely remain distant and foreign to them. It's hard for people and frustrating for the minorities that have to swim upstream to try to communicate and find solutions to the unique set of challenges faced.

As a black man, I can assure you that I understand the kinds of challenges that come with come with being a small group that doesn't have direct control over its image or visibility. We get tired of explaining the same things over and over as there is always a fresh face that's going to ask a question you've been answering for decades. At some point, you will learn to say, "fuck it", accepting that not everyone is going to hear you the way you want to be heard and that it's their loss. In doing so you'll also save yourself some life force. lol. And the ones that do come in and learn (few as they may sometimes seem) will come away better and more valuable people.

Then again, I fell on the "Casually Feminine" side of the scale in that test a few pages back, so maybe I'm just inherently more empathetic and sensitive to the pain of others than most are. :P
I think you're completely right. I don't have much experience actually getting into the weeds and directly interacting with people who don't understand non-binary topics, so I still have trouble really expressing my ideas and getting my point across. It's worth trying though, just for the people who do want to learn. I just need to find a way to stay calm during those discussions.
 

Dreams-Visions

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
16,838
Miami, FL
Dreams enters the thread.

:D

I think you're completely right. I don't have much experience actually getting into the weeds and directly interacting with people who don't understand non-binary topics, so I still have trouble really expressing my ideas and getting my point across. It's worth trying though, just for the people who do want to learn. I just need to find a way to stay calm during those discussions.
Oh we've all been there for some subject or another. I'd just encourage you to pace yourself and try to not stress about the inevitable shitposter coming in confidently and proudly displaying their ignorance like a flasher in a trench coat hiding in an alleyway.

I say "try" because it's very much learned. It is the default reaction of passionate people to get frustrated and take things personally. I often have to exit threads for awhile, but that took a long time for me to be okay with people being wrong on the internet. It's a meme, but it's also true. We can't illuminate everyone. Some people just want to argue for the sake of arguing. Some have disingenuous intent from the outset. You'll find the right places to put your energy in discussions like that. Just know that people that may not reply directly (or at all) will read and absorb. Seed planting is usually the best you can do...and you'll find that's good enough. :-)
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,163
I think you're completely right. I don't have much experience actually getting into the weeds and directly interacting with people who don't understand non-binary topics, so I still have trouble really expressing my ideas and getting my point across. It's worth trying though, just for the people who do want to learn. I just need to find a way to stay calm during those discussions.
It's often hard to stay calm in the face of so many people essentially saying that they don't care about your identity, your pronouns, or something else personal to you as if it's some kind of inconvenience to them. But, I would say to try and keep in mind that there are lurkers who read those threads and there are people who will have their minds changed after thinking on it for a bit, and they won't say anything to you. Pushing back against all of this can feel overwhelming more often than not, but it is having a positive impact in ways that we often can't directly see.

But, at the same time. Don't feel that you have to dive into those threads and argue with them if you don't feel up to it. Taking care of your own mental health and self-care in general are incredibly important and should always take precedence.
 

Doop

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
164
It's often hard to stay calm in the face of so many people essentially saying that they don't care about your identity, your pronouns, or something else personal to you as if it's some kind of inconvenience to them. But, I would say to try and keep in mind that there are lurkers who read those threads and there are people who will have their minds changed after thinking on it for a bit, and they won't say anything to you. Pushing back against all of this can feel overwhelming more often than not, but it is having a positive impact in ways that we often can't directly see.

But, at the same time. Don't feel that you have to dive into those threads and argue with them if you don't feel up to it. Taking care of your own mental health and self-care in general are incredibly important and should always take precedence.
It's definitely a balance. For a long time I didn't post because I figured other people could say what I was thinking but in a much more intelligent way, but I'm slowly starting to to engage people. At the very least it helps just to have one extra voice there.
 

OniLinkPlus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
593
Yeah nope, should not have read that thread, that was a mistake.

If thou cannot use "they" in the singular, then thou cannot use "you" in the singular. To suggest otherwise is hypocritical.
 

Pirateluigi

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,758
Yeah nope, should not have read that thread, that was a mistake.

If thou cannot use "they" in the singular, then thou cannot use "you" in the singular. To suggest otherwise is hypocritical.
It's disingenuous concern trolling at best, straight up transphobia at worst. It's also a wildly inaccurate argument both from grammatical standards and common usage.

It drives me crazy as both a trans/nb ally and someone with an undergrad degree in linguistic anthropology.
 

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
Noticed my bank now offers you the opportunity to use your preferred name on your new card like the wider Mastercard initiative a couple of months ago. Important step even if I won't feel the impact of it (name is gender ambiguous).

 
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Mcspooky

Member
Oct 26, 2017
261
Whoa .test put me 67% feminen. A cool test.
My wife and I always joke we have our roles reversed. Once in an online game we both played female avatars and once they found out we were a couple always pegged me as the female and my wife as the male. So there is that.
I also always said I am not your typical men's man. Whatever that is supposed to be anyway..haha.

But I do not feel feminen like you all describe. At least I don't think I do. My femine part is mostly in terms of emotion and empathy not on a physical level.

It makes wonder though is the problem perhaps (at least in part) not so much genders and pronouns but societies expectations if said roles? You know if no one cared what you do or say or wear or behave like based on perceived genders. Would.that effect how you feel about pronouns? No need to answer. I am sure u might be sick of explaining. Just molding my brain around a concept I can't crasp tat well. (It's probably just the perception of plural vs single mostly that has been ingrained ,)


Good luck in your individual and collective journeys in feeling comfortable and accepted in society.
 

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
It makes wonder though is the problem perhaps (at least in part) not so much genders and pronouns but societies expectations if said roles? You know if no one cared what you do or say or wear or behave like based on perceived genders. Would.that effect how you feel about pronouns? No need to answer. I am sure u might be sick of explaining. Just molding my brain around a concept I can't crasp tat well. (It's probably just the perception of plural vs single mostly that has been ingrained ,)
It’s part of the problem but not the basis. It makes being non-binary difficult before you’re aware of your identity as you’re brought up in such a rigidly defined format. So much centres around the idea that there’s only one or the other that you don’t have the language or understanding to recognise and reconcile the issues you feel inside (in being different to what you’re assigned at birth). You just know that it isn’t accurate to how you yourself feel. In the hypothetical world that’s free of all judgement, trans and non-binary people would still exist.
 

Psittacus

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,621
Yeah nope, should not have read that thread, that was a mistake.

If thou cannot use "they" in the singular, then thou cannot use "you" in the singular. To suggest otherwise is hypocritical.
I've also started passive-aggressively dropping thous at people when they start up about the singular they. I feel it's an especially good point to make because singular they is older and its loss and return were mired in sexism so it's a decent history lesson too.

Thou art ruinous to thy language.
My partner and my metamour are both non-binary, I've long since accepted that sometimes coherence is just going to have to take one for the team.
 
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Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
I've also started passive-aggressively dropping thous at people when they start up about the singular they. I feel it's an especially good point to make because singular they is older and its loss and return were mired in sexism so it's a decent history lesson too.
Thou art ruinous to thy language.
 

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
That gaming side Angry Joe thread is tilting me. Such a smug troll that knows they’re just there to provoke. Moderation seems blind to it like most of the ‘subtle’ trolls who get to run around until it’s like a fucking lighthouse as to what they’re doing. Really need to stop checking this place first thing in the morning.

Edit: Turning around and heading back to sleep and waking up to the troll catching a brick was a nice antidote.
 
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vestan

Member
Dec 28, 2017
12,355
That gaming side Angry Joe thread is tilting me. Such a smug troll that knows they’re just there to provoke. Moderation seems fucking blind to it like most of the ‘subtle’ trolls who get to run around until it’s like a fucking lighthouse as to what they’re doing.
Who is it? Feel free to send me a PM so I can avoid them
 

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,009
California, U.S.
I received an email from the ACLU of SoCal asking me to sign a petition, as they often do. This time though, 'salutaion' (Mr., Mrs., Ms.) was a required field. Beneath it said that some officials require it. But this feels like the first time I've had to fill this criterion. Maybe I'm just crazy though.

I really wanted to just leave it empty. I would even rather have used something like 'Ind.' (Individual) were it not a drop-down selection. In the end I picked Mr. simply because I didn't want to ignore the petition.

I found it a little upsetting. Don't know if the salutations available are out of the ACLU's hands; if those are the only ones certain officials accept. So I'm unsure who to complain to other than Era.
 

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
Spotted in an email for the upcoming TEDxLondonWomen in London.

 
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Delphine

Resting Witch Face
Moderator
Mar 30, 2018
1,680
France
Thought I'd share this cute tweet, because I think it's fun and uplifting!


Always boggles my mind how people stumble on the word "they". English isn't even my main language, yet I had no problem whatsoever adopting it and using it on a regular basis, it really isn't complicated at all, sigh.
 

KojiKnight

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,321
Thought I'd share this cute tweet, because I think it's fun and uplifting!


Always boggles my mind how people stumble on the word "they". English isn't even my main language, yet I had no problem whatsoever adopting it and using it on a regular basis, it really isn't complicated at all, sigh.
It's because it's not about the word they. Never has been, never will be. It's just the preferred smokescreen for someone who wants to be offensive but who doesn't have the guts to be openly so.
 

Dary

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,291
The English Wilderness
Thought I'd share this cute tweet, because I think it's fun and uplifting!


Always boggles my mind how people stumble on the word "they". English isn't even my main language, yet I had no problem whatsoever adopting it and using it on a regular basis, it really isn't complicated at all, sigh.
The irony is that people already use the singular they on a regular basis...

Part of it comes from shitty High School English, though. Certainly back in the 90s they would teach you a bunch of "rules" - don't start a sentence with a conjunction, you can't put a comma after "and", etc - that have no basis in actual grammar, including usage of pronouns. And, since a lot of people never studied English beyond high school, and don't realise they were taught a load of bollocks...
 

Navtra

Member
Jun 23, 2019
62
Hey everyone! Cross-posting from LGBTQera:

Hey everyone! So, those last few months have been both an awkward and exciting time for me. My gender identity has been something I struggled with for years, and I finally decided to do something about it and figure out who I'm. It's been and still is a journey, but actively exploring my gender identity and embracing the queerness (to the extent that doesn't get me killed, given where I live..) has been liberating, fun, and exciting. :)

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? Genderless (He/She/They are all OK) :)
  • Your sexual orientation? Usually strictly into women, but the love of my life is a non-binary and I'm not sure yet if they're just the exception. Not that I think I'll ever need to figure it out. <3
  • Where Are You From? Middle East
  • How Old Are you? 24
  • Favorite Type of Music? Almost everything.
  • Profession or Career interest? Software Development, Game Development.
  • Favorite video game(s)? Zelda BOTW, A few Final Fantasies, KH2FM+, and Vampire Bloodlines.
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? I like books, manga, movies, and TV. I'm just a sucker for a good story. :p
As for the introductory quiz :p: -


1. What are your pronouns?

- He/She/They. Everything goes.

2. How do you like to describe your gender / identity? Are there any terms, identities, or affinities you like to evoke in describing yourself?

- Genderless / Agender feels right.

3. In your experience, does being non-binary feel like having no gender, many genders, fluctuating genders, or both / neither?

- I like to think of myself as having no gender at all. Not bound by any expectations nor making a point of defying them. Just presenting my authentic self.

4. What's your favorite thing about being non-binary? What's your least favorite? What's something that has surprised you?

- This is where it gets tricky. I live in the middle east so coming out as nb is near impossible. Getting disowned is one thing, but my life will be in a constant danger systemically. One thing I like in theory is not being bound by any toxic gender expectations, and I've been presenting myself in a more feminine way lately (to a degree that won't get me killed, since I was assigned male at birth) and it feels liberating. Also, after years of dating women as "male", my current relationship with a non-binary person feels super liberating. Standing on very equal and symmetric grounds, not having to be the "masculine" one in the relationship, it just feels great.

So I guess my least favorite thing about being a nb is that I'm not allowed to be a nb as much as I'd like. lol.

5. Has any people, media, art, music, etc. inspired your non-binary self-actualization? If so please share & feel free to elaborate!

- Too many. To name a few: Contrapoints (Ironic since she's currently criticized for questionable statements about nb people, but she was my gateway drug into the whole gender thing), Judith Butler, and funnily enough Steven Universe and Umineko: When They Cry, lol.

6. Is there anything else you'd like to share or say?

Nothing really. It's been such an exciting journey exploring my gender identity and understanding myself better a step by step. I think what's next for me is to get out of here. Limitations about my ability to self express and constant fear of death are not things that I can just live with forever. I'm thinking starting a new life in Montreal, Canada, but my plans are still hazy. These next few years shall be exciting. :p
 
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Lozange

Member
Oct 25, 2017
497
Hey everyone! Cross-posting from LGBTQera:



As for the introductory quiz :p: -


1. What are your pronouns?

- He/She/They. Everything goes.

2. How do you like to describe your gender / identity? Are there any terms, identities, or affinities you like to evoke in describing yourself?

- Genderless / Agender feels right.

3. In your experience, does being non-binary feel like having no gender, many genders, fluctuating genders, or both / neither?

- I like to think of myself as having no gender at all. Not bound by any expectations nor making a point of defying them. Just presenting my authentic self.

4. What's your favorite thing about being non-binary? What's your least favorite? What's something that has surprised you?

- This is where it gets tricky. I live in the middle east so coming out as nb is near impossible. Getting disowned is one thing, but my life will be in a constant danger systemically. One thing I like in theory is not being bound by any toxic gender expectations, and I've been presenting myself in a more feminine way lately (to a degree that won't get me killed, since I was born male) and it feels liberating. Also, after years of dating women as "male", my current relationship with a non-binary person feels super liberating. Standing on very equal and symmetric grounds, not having to be the "masculine" one in the relationship, it just feels great.

So I guess my least favorite thing about being a nb is that I'm not allowed to be a nb as much as I'd like. lol.

5. Has any people, media, art, music, etc. inspired your non-binary self-actualization? If so please share & feel free to elaborate!

- Too many. To name a few: Contrapoints (Ironic since she's currently criticized for questionable statements about nb people, but she was my gateway drug into the whole gender thing), Judith Butler, and funnily enough Steven Universe and Umineko: When They Cry, lol.

6. Is there anything else you'd like to share or say?

Nothing really. It's been such an exciting journey exploring my gender identity and understanding myself better a step by step. I think what's next for me is to get out of here. Limitations about my ability to self express and constant fear of death are not things that I can just live with forever. I'm thinking starting a new life in Montreal, Canada, but my plans are still hazy. These next few years shall be exciting. :p
Welcome!
Have to say, Umineko is really good, I get a lot from that game personally too. I dunno just how much of what I get from it was intended and how much was coincidence? But the general outlook presented is positive enough that I don't really care.
 

Navtra

Member
Jun 23, 2019
62
Welcome!
Have to say, Umineko is really good, I get a lot from that game personally too. I dunno just how much of what I get from it was intended and how much was coincidence? But the general outlook presented is positive enough that I don't really care.
Hey! Great to see a fellow Umineko fan here. It's probably my favorite piece of fiction in any medium, and I can't wait for Ciconia. (Betting the character in your avatar is Rika/Erika of the game :p)

Umineko is such an oddball representation wise.

On one hand, I'm not that comfortable with the fact that the only openly queer character in the story is the murderer (kinda), and that her queerness is heavily tied to her motives.

On the other, Sayo Yasuda is written with such a great care and portrayed in a very sympathetic light, to the point that she probably my favorite fictional character. I remember reading Confession of The Golden Witch and crying at the portrayal of her dysphoria and agony. It touched me on a very personal level and was the moment I decided I'll have to do something about my gender identity.

I just love Umineko..
 

Lozange

Member
Oct 25, 2017
497
Hey! Great to see a fellow Umineko fan here. It's probably my favorite piece of fiction in any medium, and I can't wait for Ciconia. (Betting the character in your avatar is Rika/Erika of the game :p)

Umineko is such an oddball representation wise.

On one hand, I'm not that comfortable with the fact that the only openly queer character in the story is the murderer (kinda), and that her queerness is heavily tied to her motives.

On the other, Sayo Yasuda is written with such a great care and portrayed in a very sympathetic light, to the point that she probably my favorite fictional character. I remember reading Confession of The Golden Witch and crying at the portrayal of her dysphoria and agony. It touched me on a very personal level and was the moment I decided I'll have to do something about my gender identity.

I just love Umineko..
Yeah my avatar is of who I suspect is *that* kind of character. Although there's another character who it could be too.

Umineko is very weird representation wise, and I'd hesitate to recommend it purely for how it handles queer stuff for the reasons you outlined. That being said, in a way I appreciate how messy it is, and it's also very good regardless. So I pretty much recommend to everyone anyway. :P

Sayo I kind of go back and forth on all the time. True, they're the culprit, but I think the story goes out of its way to show that the rest of cast aren't exactly good people either. And then the whole story is all about trying to empathise with Sayo, soooo...
But yeah, Sayo is good. Lion is good too. I greatly enjoy how the story goes from subtle subtext to "here are two magical characters, one's the opposite gender of the other, WHAT COULD THIS MEAN".
 

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,009
California, U.S.
Gonna be getting my hair done next week. Going to get it layered and add highlights. Went looking online for inspiration and I'm digging this one.

 

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
Hey everyone! Cross-posting from LGBTQera:



As for the introductory quiz :p: -


1. What are your pronouns?

- He/She/They. Everything goes.

2. How do you like to describe your gender / identity? Are there any terms, identities, or affinities you like to evoke in describing yourself?

- Genderless / Agender feels right.

3. In your experience, does being non-binary feel like having no gender, many genders, fluctuating genders, or both / neither?

- I like to think of myself as having no gender at all. Not bound by any expectations nor making a point of defying them. Just presenting my authentic self.

4. What's your favorite thing about being non-binary? What's your least favorite? What's something that has surprised you?

- This is where it gets tricky. I live in the middle east so coming out as nb is near impossible. Getting disowned is one thing, but my life will be in a constant danger systemically. One thing I like in theory is not being bound by any toxic gender expectations, and I've been presenting myself in a more feminine way lately (to a degree that won't get me killed, since I was assigned male at birth) and it feels liberating. Also, after years of dating women as "male", my current relationship with a non-binary person feels super liberating. Standing on very equal and symmetric grounds, not having to be the "masculine" one in the relationship, it just feels great.

So I guess my least favorite thing about being a nb is that I'm not allowed to be a nb as much as I'd like. lol.

5. Has any people, media, art, music, etc. inspired your non-binary self-actualization? If so please share & feel free to elaborate!

- Too many. To name a few: Contrapoints (Ironic since she's currently criticized for questionable statements about nb people, but she was my gateway drug into the whole gender thing), Judith Butler, and funnily enough Steven Universe and Umineko: When They Cry, lol.

6. Is there anything else you'd like to share or say?

Nothing really. It's been such an exciting journey exploring my gender identity and understanding myself better a step by step. I think what's next for me is to get out of here. Limitations about my ability to self express and constant fear of death are not things that I can just live with forever. I'm thinking starting a new life in Montreal, Canada, but my plans are still hazy. These next few years shall be exciting. :p
Hey! Sorry to hear about your location situation, please dump and share here whenever you need to exhale a bit. I’m so happy you’re able to be yourself in the relationship though, it sounds wonderful. I can feel you on the worst thing line lol. I hope you make it to Canada one day :)
Gonna be getting my hair done next week. Going to get it layered and add highlights. Went looking online for inspiration and I'm digging this one.

 

Syril

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,641
Hey, I've been trying to figure out my identity lately. I've been going back and forth on whether I thought of myself as non-binary or not. Sometimes when I thought of myself as not, I felt like I was only questioning myself because I barely feel any connection with typical concepts of masculinity and get annoyed at how deeply entrenched gender norms are in society. Other times when I thought of myself as not I feel disappointed, and I remember something I saw someone say in a Twitter thread once about how cis people don't feel disappointed at the idea of being cis. There's probably some impostor syndrome at play also since I don't experience any dysphoria and don't feel any strong desire to change my pronouns or how I present myself.

Recently I found out about the concept of demigender and saw the description "demiguy can be used to describe someone assigned male at birth who feels but the barest association with that identification, though not a significant enough dissociation to create real physical discomfort or dysphoria". "Demiguy" as a term sounds weird to me and I'm not sure I feel comfortable using it for myself, but that description feels like the most accurate description of myself on the spectrum.

1. What are your pronouns?
I just use he. When I first started trying to figure things out I tried imagining myself with different pronouns. "They" didn't feel wrong, but I didn't feel any particularly strong connection to it. I wouldn't be put off if anyone used it with me, but I also wouldn't go out of my way to put it forth.

2. How do you like to describe your gender / identity? Are there any terms, identities, or affinities you like to evoke in describing yourself?
Between male and agender I guess? I can't really think of any single terms that I feel a strong connection with other than just the general non-binary umbrella.

3. In your experience, does being non-binary feel like having no gender, many genders, fluctuating genders, or both / neither?
I guess like having a more accurate concept of myself.

4. What's your favorite thing about being non-binary? What's your least favorite? What's something that has surprised you?
I can't really answer this yet.

5. Has any people, media, art, music, etc. inspired your non-binary self-actualization? If so please share & feel free to elaborate!
Oh boy, I can go into some detail here. So, non-binary was normalized for me pretty rapidly both from my exposure to online artists and my embrace of the singular they once I became aware of it (I always hated saying he or she).

The first inspiration for me was probably from playing the game 2064: Read Only Memories, which lets you pick your pronouns. When I first played it, the interactions with other characters felt really awkward and uncomfortable, and I couldn't get into it. Later, I tried replaying it and picked they/them instead, and playing it that way felt a lot better, like I didn't have any expectations on me about how I was supposed to act or what I was supposed to like, and interactions with characters didn't feel awkward at all. I don't know if it was entirely from that, but thinking of my character differently definitely had an effect.

Over the years I had also started enjoying the presence of non-binary characters in comics and games and such. At the time I never thought of them as representing me, but I was probably making a connection with them and not realizing it.

The big turning point that made me start questioning myself was when I was browsing online randomly and saw a non-binary person talking about the prospect of transitioning and that the thought of becoming more feminine made them feel right, and I empathized with what they were saying, a lot. It surprised me how much I empathized with it. Not in the sense of transitioning, but the idea of figuring out my true self and it feeling right, and it not necessarily being the concept of myself that I grew up with.
 
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kittens

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,652
My friend just showed me this & I thought I'd share. It's amazing to see all the diverse ways humans have to express who we are and the roles we play in our communities.

 

i love tacos

Member
Oct 27, 2017
37
1. What are your pronouns?

I prefer they/them.

2. How do you like to describe your gender / identity? Are there any terms, identities, or affinities you like to evoke in describing yourself?

Non-binary.

3. In your experience, does being non-binary feel like having no gender, many genders, fluctuating genders, or both / neither?

Sort of like having no gender. It's difficult to describe, since I'm not sure what it means to feel like a man outside of having the organs. This was quite confusing and distressing when I was a kid, I would hear about the ways that boys were supposed to behave and couldn't relate.

4. What's your favorite thing about being non-binary? What's your least favorite? What's something that has surprised you?

Simply putting on nail polish can make me feel happy, though I still haven't worn it outside of the apartment.

I wasn't prepared for the ways that some acquaintances react to the idea of nonbinary people existing.

5. Has any people, media, art, music, etc. inspired your non-binary self-actualization? If so please share & feel free to elaborate!

David Bowie. He had a huge impact on me when I finally started listening to his music after a lifetime of being restricted to Evangelical music. Not only was the music beautiful, but it felt openly transgressive. Things I had been taught were wrong or a weakness were revealed as normal, or glamorized.

I've since learned somethings about him that have complicated my feelings, but I can't deny how much impact he's had on me.

6. Is there anything else you'd like to share or say?

I've only recently decided to start expressing it rather than it being only internal. I look at the people in this community and see so many bravely living their truth.... and I'm over here, afraid to step outside the apartment with nail polish on, or ask for they/them pronouns.

One step at a time.
 

Kyuuji

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
7,948
For what it's worth, I'm really thankful to you Kyuuji.
It’s all good, and that’s sweet of you to say. Still on the invite list for those 🥞
Youre a better *insert your preferred gender* than me.
Hah, I wish. Kind of you to say, others definitely manage to toe the “be nice and smile accordingly” line better though. Pandering to it winds me up knowing that some people only respond to those that do, viewing others taking a more curt tone as rabid inconsolable trans people bent on being unhappy and unable to be reasoned with. Irritates me when people come in loud and proud with insults and ignorance before playing the victim when they’re called out and corrected. The desire to paint trans people taking issue as emotionally unstable reactionaries that are never satisfied is one that crops up a lot.
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,163
Hah, I wish. Kind of you to say, others definitely manage to toe the “be nice and smile accordingly” line better though. Pandering to it winds me up knowing that some people only respond to those that do, viewing others taking a more curt tone as rabid inconsolable trans people bent on being unhappy and unable to be reasoned with. Irritates me when people come in loud and proud with insults and ignorance before playing the victim when they’re called out and corrected. The desire to paint trans people taking issue as emotionally unstable reactionaries that are never satisfied is one that crops up a lot.
Yeah, that's unfortunately a very real reality that we have to deal with. Like, people often cite my patience as endless or legendary or all of these other things, but there are times where I snap at someone and I've had people directly say to me on this forum that I am the sole reason that they don't care about trans issues and that I am an enemy to trans people. Like holy hell, we just aren't allowed to react to bigotry or dismissive statements a single time or else we are the real problem in these situations. So, I hold it in when I'm in those threads as best as I can because I deal with enough of that stuff as it is.

It's okay to be upset with what these people say though, and it's okay to let it out. Jagoffs who have a problem with us having feelings in the face of adversity aren't people that are worth thinking about. I know that's easier said than done to not let that stuff slowly dig under your skin, so if you ever need to vent you can message me here or in discord.