Mental Health Era |OT2| Community and Understanding

HylianSeven

Community Resetter
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,952
I've sort of posted about this in this thread before (or maybe the previous volume of it), but I've always had a problem where I have almost zero self-confidence. I feel like everyone is out to get me, I am afraid of screwing up in front of my wife because I don't want her to leave, I'm afraid of making any mistake at my job because I'm afraid to lose it, I feel like I am ugly, I think things that no one actually likes me and people just tolerate me. I've felt this way most of my life but it feels like it even more these days.

And the thing is some of the stuff I know isn't true, but it doesn't make it not feel that way. I know it's extremely unlikely my wife leaves me, and definitely not going to happen off of one mistake. Same thing goes for my job, but I always feel trapped anyway. I'm going to therapy about this and went two weeks ago, but I'm not completely sure the therapist understood what the problem was, and I couldn't explain it where he understood. I'm going again today and my wife is going with me to try to help me explain it better.
 

SugarDave

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,232
Trying to post something and can't even find the words anymore. Feels like I've reached a point where I'm even apathetic towards my own misery and wellbeing.
 

NoirSuede

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
414
By this point i'm convinced that the only way to cure my problems is to get a psychology degree and do it myself, because I'm just tired of having to waste sessions explaining to my psychiatrists what anime is and why their community permanently damaged my cognition of the outside world
 

JMTHEFOX

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
888
Brooklyn, NY
User Banned (Permanent): Admitting to predatory behaviour
This is going to be difficult but I have to get my flaws out. I was once attracted to one of my counsellors at my junior high school, while I was in an inclusion program. I was overly obsessed with her, even went as far as making my Xbox 360 and Playstation Home avatars based on her. Nowadays, I forgot all about her and moved on. In addition, I was really attracted to one of my former professors at my previous college. I told her "I love you" as a friend after I finish class and as always, I stopped thinking romantically about her after I was finished with her lectures.

I am also very sexually attracted to underage girls and I am a huge piece of shit for doing so. I since deleted the underage Indonesian contacts on my phone and stopped talking to some underaged Russians on VK. Only problem is the age of consent which will make avoiding contacting them extremely hard.
 

Rosebud

Member
Apr 16, 2018
6,901
I am also very sexually attracted to underage girls and I am a huge piece of shit for doing so. I since deleted the underage Indonesian contacts on my phone and stopped talking to some underaged Russians on VK. Only problem is the age of consent which will make avoiding contacting them extremely hard.
You should make therapy and/or go to a psychiatrist, this is serious.
 

justjim89

Member
Nov 16, 2017
1,942
Stepped on the scale today to find I'm the heaviest I've been in my whole life. Checked my bank balance to find out I have $8.72 in my account and can't even keep the handful of monthly subscriptions I have paid. Checked my email to find no responses from job applications I've filled out. Checked further to find six rejection emails from musical booking I was trying to get. It's Saturday and I have zero plans for anything fun or productive to do aside from chores around the house and playing video games. And all I've wanted to do is make some self-pity post on Facebook to get a reaction from my friends, but I can't because I'm a musician and Facebook is my fucking brand, not me.

I'm 30 years old with no money to my name, no prospects to look forward to, weighing 260 pounds, standing only 5'7, and living with my parents. I don't know how my life got this way. I probably would've killed myself by now if not for how much it would break my mom's heart.
 

Psychoward

Member
Nov 7, 2017
21,740
Feeling the worst I have since I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety or my "spiral" a few years later.

There's honestly so many factors but I'm already on two different medications for it with high doses. Doing basic things like showering, shaving and brushing my teeth has become a hassle. Therapy has done nothing for me in the past and I doubt that changes now, especially since the people on campus are just counselors and I've heard nothing but bad things about them. I have trouble going to my few classes. I'm already behind for my grade and I'll be lucky to graduate by next spring semester (thanks transfer credits that didn't transfer 1:1). I have pretty much 0 friends here and I'm not in any clubs. The food sucks and has so little options because I'm vegetarian, no kitchen in my dorm so I can't even cook stuff and all of this is compounded by the fact that when I'm depressed I lose my appetite and become an even pickier eater. I finally found someone I really liked spending time with after a messy breakup back in March and she shared so many of my interests and then just randomly texted one day that she doesn't have the "mental capacity" to start anything like this now. And I get it and don't hold it against her and I know I shouldnt base my happiness on other people but fuck she actually did make me feel pretty good recently and now that's gone too. I don't even like typical parties but it's still nice to at least be invited to them, which I haven't in a long while. People are studying abroad and doing cool shit and I'm just here day after day attempting to do the bare minimum. I've basically given up on doing class readings because I don't have the attention span for them anymore (plus my classes aren't as hard as they were last semester). My advisor sucks and I have to do basically everything myself, I have an infection that I've been on antibiotics for 2 weeks now and it still hasn't gone away. I fucking hate northern winters and wish I lived in the south again. My car needs a ton of checkups that I don't have the time or money for yet I buy random games a lot even though I don't even enjoy most of them beyond an hour or two. I feel like I always have a headache or am sore in some way so I take tylenol frequently, I take benadryl to help me sleep sometimes because if I don't I'll stay up til 3 or 4am. I'm feeling pretty shitty about my body (overly skinny due to crohn's + genetics) but haven't worked out in ages and going to the school gym or pool frightens the fuck out of me. I smoke a lot because getting high can make me temporarily happy and/or forget some of the shitty things going on in my life but it ends too quickly because I'm used to California edibles I got during the summer that are now all gone.

I'm not going to pretend like my life was perfect a year or three ago but I feel like it was still much better than whatever the fuck is going on now.

I guess I'll try to move up my psych appointment from later this month to as soon as possible but fuck me this is awful.

Edit: oh also it's my birthday in a few days and outside of my family I'll be surprised if more than one person even acknowledges it
 
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Yagyujubei

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,322
Dead
Wish there was such a thing as suicide clinics for people like me who have no worth in society and want to check out permanently. All my problems even the biggest problem, my existence, would be over in an instant. Everything all my worries and problems. gone forever. To anyone that thinks the future will be better i wish i could punch them. I know in a few months i will be alone again for valentines day, i know i will have a job i hate, i know i will be alone for the next 2,10,18 valentines days in my life. i am jealous of those that can find bonds and relationships. if life was a video game i think my setting is on "ultra hard everything and everyone, including yourself hates you" mode. I wish i could turn off this game and destroy it which means i do need to commit suicide in order to end this game. I hope i can find the strength to do it. so many people get to end their lives, why can't I? I do not want to live just to make others happy and not sad i killed myself. Time heals all wounds and people forget. So ending my life should be justified.
 
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TaySan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
6,627
Treated myself this month that brought me some happiness.

My job is cutting my hours now so this blows :( I really don't want to work a second job on this type of schedule.
 

Zelenogorsk

Member
Mar 1, 2018
1,205
I seem to be in a kind of anxiety loop where things get worse and worse. I took on way more than I can handle with my current college semester and my weight is almost as bad as it's ever been. Instead of tackling these problems head on I skip class and binge eat, so my grades and weight get worse, causing me more anxiety, so I just want to skip class and binge eat. Repeat ad infinitum. There is one class in particular that I will either have to withdrawal from or fail. Withdrawal will put me below full time status and fuck up my some financial aid stuff, while failing will fuck up my GPA real bad. And no matter what not passing this class is going to delay my graduation. Final grades get posted a month from now so I have another month to keep ignoring the problem until I'm forced to deal with it. I know it's fucked up to think this way but it seems like suicide is the only way I can guarantee that I won't have to actually confront failing this class. My professor will know I failed, my classmates will know I failed, and my parents will know I failed, and I will know that I failed, or I could just jump off a parking garage and not have to deal with any of that shit. Problem solved.

3 years ago I was 400 pounds at age 23 and my doctor told me that if I didn't change anything I'd be dead by 35. Now 3 years later I'm 470 pounds and probably making my life that much shorter. It seems like life is nothing but obligations and the moment you finally finish your current obligations life just hands you more and more. The only time you're truly free of obligations is when you finally die. My life just feels like busywork until the moment I'm finally dead and it's all over. And I think that mindset is why I'm not doing anything to make sure I live longer. More life would just mean more obligations, more anxiety, more failure, rinse & repeat. Might as well speed up the process and die at 35, or just kill myself right now at 26.

The worst part is I can't even do it. I was considering killing myself at age 19, and if I had actually done it I wouldn't have to deal with any of this bullshit, I'd just be dead. But I didn't do it and now shit is just even worse. And I probably won't even do it this time, which just means a few years from now I'll be 30 and everything will be even worse and I'll just have to sit there and think to myself "why the fuck didn't I just kill myself at 26". The only way this cycle stops is with my morbid obesity and sleep apnea causing a massive heart attack that finally ends my life and sets me free from this bullshit. That day can't come soon enough.
 

Binabik15

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,454
I've sort of posted about this in this thread before (or maybe the previous volume of it), but I've always had a problem where I have almost zero self-confidence. I feel like everyone is out to get me, I am afraid of screwing up in front of my wife because I don't want her to leave, I'm afraid of making any mistake at my job because I'm afraid to lose it, I feel like I am ugly, I think things that no one actually likes me and people just tolerate me. I've felt this way most of my life but it feels like it even more these days.

And the thing is some of the stuff I know isn't true, but it doesn't make it not feel that way. I know it's extremely unlikely my wife leaves me, and definitely not going to happen off of one mistake. Same thing goes for my job, but I always feel trapped anyway. I'm going to therapy about this and went two weeks ago, but I'm not completely sure the therapist understood what the problem was, and I couldn't explain it where he understood. I'm going again today and my wife is going with me to try to help me explain it better.

This sounds like it could be avoidant personality disorder, though there's of course a language/translation barrier between my education in psychiatry and your list. What'd your therapist say?


Weirdly enough, I'm here to ask about experiences with dealing with someone who likely (99%) has this and a depression or bipolar disorder on top. She swings between wanting to get help and talking up lithium and other meds and now again whiny "oh, I'll always stay alone so nobody can hurt my anymore, all I care about is getting into med school". So, I care about her, but I'm tapped out trying to actually be romantically/sexually involved with her, but I still can't let her swallow meds with potntially deadly side effects outside a therapy setting with lab checks. She's a nurse, so she might get her hands on this stuff without proper oversight. I told her all those possible consequences earlier today and she seemed to get on the "I'll get help and be better track" (again), only to jump back on to this "oh, I'd rather be forever alone" crap later (maybe I missed/ignored some of her convoluted flirting) - to then tell me that, yes, I have to talk to her about meds she won't be put on, kiss emoji.

It's so frustrating*. I took an oath to try and help people, but I'm not getting through to her, we're half a country apart, so I can't check on any unsupervised medication. And even if I'm legally in the clear if she overdoses on Lithium and won't lose my license, well, fuck that, I don't want ANYBODY to mess themself up, let alone an acquaintance. So just ignoring her -> also her questions on meds and stuff that might stop her doing silly stuff on her own isn't something I want to do. Besides, she still has copies from uni tests I borrowed her a year ago - before it became this bad - stuff that I want back before probably cutting her off, self harm or not. All this is impacting *my* mood, damn it.


*good thing that I knew of my tolerance levels for this sort of conflict and decided not to become a psychiatrist, even though it's the most interesting field in medicine
 

Sub Boss

Member
Nov 14, 2017
12,296
Feeling the worst I have since I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety or my "spiral" a few years later.

There's honestly so many factors but I'm already on two different medications for it with high doses. Doing basic things like showering, shaving and brushing my teeth has become a hassle. Therapy has done nothing for me in the past and I doubt that changes now, especially since the people on campus are just counselors and I've heard nothing but bad things about them. I have trouble going to my few classes. I'm already behind for my grade and I'll be lucky to graduate by next spring semester (thanks transfer credits that didn't transfer 1:1). I have pretty much 0 friends here and I'm not in any clubs. The food sucks and has so little options because I'm vegetarian, no kitchen in my dorm so I can't even cook stuff and all of this is compounded by the fact that when I'm depressed I lose my appetite and become an even pickier eater. I finally found someone I really liked spending time with after a messy breakup back in March and she shared so many of my interests and then just randomly texted one day that she doesn't have the "mental capacity" to start anything like this now. And I get it and don't hold it against her and I know I shouldnt base my happiness on other people but fuck she actually did make me feel pretty good recently and now that's gone too. I don't even like typical parties but it's still nice to at least be invited to them, which I haven't in a long while. People are studying abroad and doing cool shit and I'm just here day after day attempting to do the bare minimum. I've basically given up on doing class readings because I don't have the attention span for them anymore (plus my classes aren't as hard as they were last semester). My advisor sucks and I have to do basically everything myself, I have an infection that I've been on antibiotics for 2 weeks now and it still hasn't gone away. I fucking hate northern winters and wish I lived in the south again. My car needs a ton of checkups that I don't have the time or money for yet I buy random games a lot even though I don't even enjoy most of them beyond an hour or two. I feel like I always have a headache or am sore in some way so I take tylenol frequently, I take benadryl to help me sleep sometimes because if I don't I'll stay up til 3 or 4am. I'm feeling pretty shitty about my body (overly skinny due to crohn's + genetics) but haven't worked out in ages and going to the school gym or pool frightens the fuck out of me. I smoke a lot because getting high can make me temporarily happy and/or forget some of the shitty things going on in my life but it ends too quickly because I'm used to California edibles I got during the summer that are now all gone.

I'm not going to pretend like my life was perfect a year or three ago but I feel like it was still much better than whatever the fuck is going on now.

I guess I'll try to move up my psych appointment from later this month to as soon as possible but fuck me this is awful.

Edit: oh also it's my birthday in a few days and outside of my family I'll be surprised if more than one person even acknowledges it
Happy Birthday! 🎂🎉

good luck with your medication hopefully you find something that works out Life always throws shit at you but you HOW you recieve it is an opportunity to learn and improve as cliche as it sounds, it works, first its just accepting that you are there and not somewhere else, and you can find happiness and peace in the worst of places, you will find friendly people but need to be open to their wants and needs as well as yourself. Pay attention Kindness goes a long way.
Also accept the changes, both good and bad, so shits happens, three years ago is never coming back but tomorrow can be a cheerful place if you let it, that wasn't in your control you aren't at fault for whatever happened, you can either try to fix it, let it be or focus on something else like your wellbeing

Seriously yoga, church and meditation can be a life changer, whats most important is peace and kindness to oneself and to others
I've sort of posted about this in this thread before (or maybe the previous volume of it), but I've always had a problem where I have almost zero self-confidence. I feel like everyone is out to get me, I am afraid of screwing up in front of my wife because I don't want her to leave, I'm afraid of making any mistake at my job because I'm afraid to lose it, I feel like I am ugly, I think things that no one actually likes me and people just tolerate me. I've felt this way most of my life but it feels like it even more these days.

And the thing is some of the stuff I know isn't true, but it doesn't make it not feel that way. I know it's extremely unlikely my wife leaves me, and definitely not going to happen off of one mistake. Same thing goes for my job, but I always feel trapped anyway. I'm going to therapy about this and went two weeks ago, but I'm not completely sure the therapist understood what the problem was, and I couldn't explain it where he understood. I'm going again today and my wife is going with me to try to help me explain it better.
Living with those feelings is difficult but it can be done, what is what you want? sounds like you have a good partner that cares for you, and you care for her, life is about understanding that we are not in control, that fear controls you because you let it, what happens with those fears and insecurities is you are feeding them, scary as they seem to be they are NOT real, shit could happen, even if they fire you, but doesn't that can happen to everyone? Don't we all make mistakes? Horrible things happen to good, smart people all the time does that mean you are failure?

No, it simply means you have a chance to get up and try something else, happiness can be found everywhere if we know were to look for it, but the problem is nobody can tell you this, nobody can give you the answer its something that was within you all along because you deserve happiness and peace like everyone else but it won't come from outside.no from work, wife, family, or money.

Nothing is going to last forever anyways, bring all the joy, happiness,and fun you can leave with.nothing is ever gonna be perfect either, but sometimes it can be if we let it
 
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Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
8,620
Hey all, hope everyone is managing to get through Friday alright.

If Ketkat has helped you in your time on the forum please consider changing your avatar to represent how much of an impact she's had here. She's been a pillar of the mental health and trans communities and has worked tirelessly to not only support members with their troubles, but also defend their rights during the months-long torrent of shameful trans threads on the forum.

Couple of options below.







 
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Redlegs

Member
Oct 27, 2017
666
Hey all, hope everyone is managing to get through Friday alright.

If Ketkat has helped you in your time on the forum please consider changing your avatar to represent how much of an impact she's had here. She's been a pillar of the mental health and trans communities and has worked tirelessly to not only support members with their troubles, but also defend their rights during the months-long torrent of shameful trans threads on the forum.

Couple of options below.
I saw others doing so already & did it a bit ago. Ketkat is awesome & deserves way more than the praise than I can give to them.
 

Inapplicable

Member
Oct 25, 2017
244
UK
I wish I could say I'm managing but when every day is shit things really can't get worse. When you're trans and know no matter how much effort you put in you know you'll never pass there is no reason to be optimistic.

I can't even do anything right, when I came out last year I decided I needed to lose weight. In about 6 months I lost 1/3rd of my total body weight just from cutting out sugar + a little bit of exercise every day. Thought family would actually be happy that I wasn't overweight for the first time since primary school, only to be shat on and basically told that I was far too skinny, now I'm putting the weight back on. I mean they wonder why I have zero self esteem.

Seeing as I live in a Tory shithole can't wait until I get physically attacked, I know it's going to happen soon.
 

Lundren

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,722
I can't even do anything right, when I came out last year I decided I needed to lose weight. In about 6 months I lost 1/3rd of my total body weight just from cutting out sugar + a little bit of exercise every day. Thought family would actually be happy that I wasn't overweight for the first time since primary school, only to be shat on and basically told that I was far too skinny, now I'm putting the weight back on. I mean they wonder why I have zero self esteem.
I'm sorry to hear that is happening to you. All I can say is that you should lose weight for you and not them. It happens all the time that when family sees someone exercising and eating better that they feel the need to comment from a place of ignorance. I mean the actual definition of ignorance where they don't know better and have just gotten used to you looking a certain weight and don't understand that even when you "wear it well" not being overweight is better for your health physically and mentally.

Did something happen to Ketkat?
She got banned. Mods don't seem to want us talking about it. It happened in the thread about how to engage in trans threads.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,862
Canada
I'm fucking useless. All I think about is ending my life.

My gf basically pays for everything minus the rent while sit here useless unable to get a job because my brain is so fucked up.

Cipralex didn't work, Effexor isn't working either. Fuck meds.
 
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SprachBrooks

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,348
I'm fucking useless. All I think about is ending my life.

My gf basically pays for everything minus the rent while sit here useless unable to get a job because my brain is so fucked up.

Cipralex didn't work, Effexor isn't working either. Fuck meds.
Do you talk to your girlfriend about feeling this way?

Are there suggestions which could help in terms of feeling more 'useful'? Doing things around the apartment?

Working towards getting better is the most useful thing you can do. Please don't end it.

I'm in a really bad breakup from someone I loved very much and depressed as fuck about it. Considered ending my life but things improve. Please feel free to message if you need any support.
 

Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,624
USA West Virginia
First of all i just wanna get the elephant out of the room and say im not capable of talking about what's going on with ket and im sorry im so fucking stupid about it. It breaks my fucking heart and I just don't want anyone hurt, and my splitting has made it impossible to look at things properly. I just don't want anyone to hurt and she was amazing in this community and i feel for everyone involved. I also feel extensively for any trans people in this forum, what you have to go through both in and out of this site is unacceptable.

On a personal level im both really good and really bad. I'm doing theatre again, shows this week actually and it's kept me really busy which has been good for my energy. My car might be undrivable tho. Shop wanted 800 dollars to not even fix the problem. Figuring things out but my debt is just climbing through the roof.

Almost had a suicide attempt but I did not (talking to my partner helped tremendously) when i got a medical bill in the mail for 900 dollars (this was a mistake thank God, short version they were supposed to pay for my therapy but it was an error of paper work on their end) however that moment i also realized there's never going to be a "good time to leave" so I'm just at determined to leave, fuck the consequences. Once i get the job im going i have to.

One major change is im really not ashamed how i look these days. My dysphoria is slowly going away and im feeling pretty good. Im taking more selfies, trying new looks, its hard where i live to go as far as id like to but Im finally feeling okay being me.
 
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McNagah

Member
Oct 25, 2017
373
Ketkat was a very important part of our community and felt like she was a vital part of the mental health community. She was someone I could talk to about my problems with personally one on one with and I'm glad she was there when I needed her. I wish I could spread as much decency as she showed us.
 

Scarlet Death

Member
Oct 25, 2017
482
Seattle, WA
Some positive mental health stuff, I am getting my confidence back. my dbt skills have been really really helpful keeping my emotions from being unreasonable or irrational. The whole perspective change business almost makes it feel like I don't have to specifically think about which skills to use my brain just kneejerk uses the most appropriate. While nothing is getting better on a practical level, severely reducing my stress and finding new perspective has made it much easier to cope with and i am really digging it right now
 

The SPP

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8
Hey all. I wanted to make a thread about this, but since I mostly lurk I'm not able to. This seemed like the most fitting thread to ask about it for now since it's taking a toll on me, and I need some advice, given I'm dealing with my own problems as well.

There are these two people at work, let's call them Guy and Girl. Guy is in his mid to late 30's. Kinda geeky who likes tabletop games, watches Rick and Morty religiously, and is an atheist to give an outline of him.

Girl is 18. She's a devout Christian from a very religious family, has been homeschooled her entire life and just finished with it. As such she's very awkward and has severe social anxiety and troubles approaching people, and clings to people who show her any attention or affection very easily since she's not used to it. She dated a guy who used to work here, we'll call him Guy 2. Guy 2 was a bumbling moron with no social barriers who annoyed everyone and pretty much everyone hated him. But because of how he would act like a total goofball with no social awareness and told her awful jokes a lot, she clung to him for the attention he gave her and dated him for a bit. At the very least he seemed to truly care about her and they were pretty close in age, and had the same job.

Girl has been preparing to go to college and has a very supportive family with several younger siblings. Over the summer though, she started bonding with Guy while she was still dating Guy 2. Eventually she broke up with Guy 2 by the end of August and started secretly dating Guy.

Now, Guy is kind of notorious here at work for slacking off on the job even when we're extremely busy to chat with the girls here. Especially the younger ones - we have several 15-17 year olds working with us. He'll...well, very obviously be chatty and flirty with most of the girls here to the point where other people here get pissed off about how weird it is. Also note he's in a higher position than all of them as well, not management, but an interim position above us.

Well, Girl's parents found out about Guy and obviously did not approve of their 18 year old daughter, about to start college and have a public education for the first time, beginning to date a man literally over twice her age whom she works with and is in a position of power over her. Because of her social anxiety and low self esteem she continued to cling to Guy and refused to rethink things, so her Mom had none of it. So now Girl's mom and stepdad are kicking her out and forcing her to move about an hour away to go live with her biological father and figure out her finances and college attendance herself. She's having to transfer work locations too. Cutting most forms of contact with her too as far as I know.

And Guy, instead of stepping back and saying "Oh, I'm ruining her life and destroying her relationship with her family. Maybe I should step back a bit and find someone closer to my age that I don't directly work with", he basically doesn't care as long he still gets to see her and fool around with her. Which exemplifies his intentions for her. Especially given their religious differences and a lot more in their personal lives. She's practically a kid and still has a lot to learn how to look out for herself, and Guy is basically using her for physical pleasure when he's not serious about a real relationship, even if it's ruining her life in ways that will affect her for the REST of her life.

She hasn't told any of this to management or anyone else at all aside from Guy himself and me. I found out because apparently she always thought I was really nice, had me added on Facebook, and liked my posts. She walked up to me the other day and have me her number out of the blue. Then texted me to ask about talking about life since she knows I've been going through a lot myself. Then told me about all the drama I just described. Then tried to ask me to go to church with her and hang out and talk without Guy knowing because she wants to "get her mind off everything happening". Basically including me as a 3rd person to hang out with behind Guy's back so she doesn't have to think about what's happened for a while.

It's like...I feel absolutely horrible about the whole thing. Guy has been decent to me for years, but seeing him be flirty with underaged girls at work as well as saying gross shit about other women in our workplace when they weren't around to hear... it paints a clear picture of how he sees her. He doesn't care one bit that her life is getting ruined and her family is getting torn apart over it as long as he can still play around with her, for however long that lasts. Along with the age difference, the power dynamic at work given his position over her, and their unreconcilable personal beliefs...it makes me really want to be there for her and tell her she needs to think about things more instead of clinging to someone just because they give you attention.

I want to help really badly, I've always been someone who tries to help others and be there for them. Especially seeing how gross this all is. But I also don't want to touch the issue with a 10 foot pole given my own problems I have to deal with as well. Not like it's surprising it happened though; sexual misconduct stuff like this has been despairingly common at our particular workplace for a long time now.

I just don't know what to do. I want to help but don't feel mentally equipped to deal with someone else's problems as big as these when I'm constantly depressed and nearly suicidal nearly every day. Just wanted to vent, and if anyone has any advice, it'd be very welcome.
 

Nida

Member
Aug 31, 2019
1,018
Lynnwood, Washington
Hey everyone. Just found this thread when searching for threads containing the new medicine I'm on.

I've been on 150 of Venlafaxine for years, It helps with the anxiety but not the depression. So I started wellbutrin about six weeks ago, and I think it helped. Started at 150, and my doctor upped it to 300 to see if it helped ore. Anyone with much experience with it? What dosage was the sweet spot for you?

I know it was a placebo effect, but after I took my second dose I did a bunch of work that needed to be done around the house. So hopefully the actual effect does something similar.

I'm just tired of sleeping 12 hours a day, sleeping all day and staying up all night like a vampire. I do have heart failure, but it's not to the point where it should be effecting that sort of thing fortunately.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,570
Orlando, FL
KitKat was one of the kindest and most empathetic posters on this forum. I wouldn't be surprised if she saved lives with her empathy and compassion. She should not have banned ever, as someone who have possibly had more of an impact on marginalized groups. Saying this forum would be worse without here woud be a massive understatement.
 

Puffy

Member
Dec 15, 2017
2,419
I spend money as a coping method. It's really awkward how little money means to me and how willing I am to get rid of it. After buying something really expensive, I temporarily feel better. Surely I can't keep this up
 

Melhadf

Member
Dec 25, 2017
195
So recently diagnosed with psychosis. I'm currently seeing people everywhere, where there are none, amongst other things....and having lots of crap dumped on me with regards to tests to see if there is a "why" for it to develop now.

Had a call from the psychiatrist to get a 2nd ECG ASAP. But wouldn't say what the results of the first were. Waiting for a CT scan to check for "Space occupying lesions" as I can't MRI.

Just stressing over it all, which is making things worse, and I'm trying to get my ass out of the house more, despite seeing the people watching everytime I look out the window. But I just can't get through the door to take the rubbish out nevermind anything else.
 

Weiss

Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,247
That thread we had about abortion and Autistic kids made me feel miserable the rest of the day. Like I was suddenly so much more keenly aware of everything I hate about myself.
 

Unknownhero

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
1,193
shit, spent another birthday alone. you know what, I'll never be loved. this is it for me. thought making a meta comedy thread will cheer me up but nope. just made me feel worse.
 

Plum

The Fallen
May 31, 2018
8,070
Does anyone else struggle with 'deciding' whether or not there's something wrong with you or whether there's something wrong with your surroundings? I don't fucking know anymore and I hate the feeling of constantly gaslighting myself into thinking that whatever the problem is just shouldn't matter.

Like sometimes I look at how things are today, and how things are going both in my personal life and with societal in general and feel an unavoidable urge to just 'shut down'. However sometimes I can actively be ignoring that stuff and I still feel like crap, but I don't know why I feel that way.

Frankly the overwhelming feeling I have right now is one of confusion. I don't know what the fuck is going on with me or anyone else, I don't know what to do, and I don't know what I can do. Like I said above, my mind is gaslighting itself constantly and I can acknowledge that but I still allow it to happen.

Fuck I don't know. Sorry for the rant. I would go see someone but I want to keep up at least the facade of me not being a fucking wreck to my family. Didn't even tell anyone that I had a panic attack on the bus to work the other day because that would just make me more of a burden to them than I already am.
 

fireflame

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,912
My obsessions about the afterlife and hell or forced reincarnation don't quit me. I know itis possible to say don't think about it since you can't know, but still.I do not wish to come back. I also feel angered by theories saying your mental health issues are caused by deeds from a previous life. New Age beliefs focus a lot on indiviual responsibility, maybe even more than reincarnation based ancient religions like Buddhism or Hinduism.I am a Christian but I am still tormented by such thoughts.
I have violent nightmares where I hear people I lost talk but they don't hear me. There are also feelings repressed that emerge during those nightmares, like overwhelming anger and despair. My body never relaxes butat this point...
 

TaySan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
6,627
Paychecks keep getting smaller and smaller and I'm starting to think it's time for me to bail out of my job, but idk what I can do other than retail work which I despise. Fuck life as being useless scrub sucks.
 

CatDoggo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
723
That thread we had about abortion and Autistic kids made me feel miserable the rest of the day. Like I was suddenly so much more keenly aware of everything I hate about myself.
Yeah, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that thread ended up really ruining my day and leaving me feeling very miserable. I kinda wish I hadn't made it in the first place now.
 

TaySan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
6,627
What are you currently doing?
I do alcohol inventory for bars across the PHX area. I love the job, but my boss hired a new person to cover 3 of my teams bars essentially cutting our hours. Keeping my fingers crossed hoping she is looking for more places for us to count in.
Yeah, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that thread ended up really ruining my day and leaving me feeling very miserable. I kinda wish I hadn't made it in the first place now.
Just want to apologise if I came across as antagonistic to you. It's a touchy subject for sure.
 

Nida

Member
Aug 31, 2019
1,018
Lynnwood, Washington
I do alcohol inventory for bars across the PHX area. I love the job, but my boss hired a new person to cover 3 of my teams bars essentially cutting our hours. Keeping my fingers crossed hoping she is looking for more places for us to count in.
Just want to apologise if I came across as antagonistic to you. It's a touchy subject for sure.

If it comes down to it and you have to move on, could you do something like customer support for Comcast or a local ISP?
 

EchoChamber

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
1,404
So long story short I quit my job recently that I hated so much last week without another job lined up and in the 29th I will be unemployed, I took that decision because that job was taking a heavy toll on my mental health, even my therapist recommended quiting that job if money is not a problem and it isn't luckily, anxiety is a bitch!!!